CPAC 2026 was a Trumpy miserere of flabby-jowelled wealth fetishists, man-spreaders and those who dry their hair in a microwave oven. It did not go well for our hero.

Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber, little men “looking so exactly like a couple of big schoolboys”... "...a monstrous crow frightened both the heroes so."

The trend has become well and truly set. Now Angus has applied his intellect to the problem of disappearing Liberal voters.

Andrew Hastie will be gunning for Squizzy in short order.