Stinker Taylor sold yer lies
- 7 hours ago
- 3 min read
Squizzy's a little suss
Angusgate - the collective noun for watergate, grassgate and Clovergate - $80M of our money for evaporated water, ecocide and the mystery farmer from Yass, and forged claims of Clover Moore's expenses.
From Sussan to Angus - both burdened with a redundant consonant but only one has the full suite of born-to-rule Tory credentials - scion of the Monaro plains squattocracy, an alumnus of the boys only The Kings School*, law and economics at Sydney University and a Rhodes scholarship to Oxford. And, most importantly, a dick.
*Year 12 - $50K tuition fee + $38K boarding fee thank you very much. Rugby, cricket and Christianity inc.
Those qualifications were later supplemented by creating synergistic value propositions with key stakeholders, leveraging learnings, circling back, opening kimonos, monetising intrinsic values, touching base and reaching out as a management consultant at McKinsey and Co and Port Jackson Partners.
All of this supports Angus's claims of championing we common folk.
Kiss O'Death Tony Abbott has said that Angus is “the best person for the job...the next election is winnable”. Half-term Tones' rabid puritanism, destructive negativity and appalling judgement set in train the federal Lib's death spiral, so such endorsement will amuse those amongst us who expect Angus's charred remains to wash up on the shores of Lake Burley Griffin some time shortly after polls close at the 2028 election.
"...what a lot of people say about Angus Taylor is he is the best qualified idiot they've ever met,"
Malcolm Turnbull
Angus's performance in Parliament has been limited to functioning as a chew toy for treasurer Jim Chalmers. Angus brings a balloon on a stick to the Question Time gun fight. He's at his best when he tries to shrink into the green leather of the Opposition benches.
Scandal magnet Angus's name recognition stems mainly from his various gates.
The Fidel D'Figueres award for creative Caymans accounting is a shoo-in for Squizzy's Watergate should there be any substance to suspicions of dodgy dealings. $80 million of our money for non-existent water to old chums and Liberal party donors? Squizzy gets very toey at any suggestion of impropriety on his part.
The poisoning of endangered native species is not something that would upset the ecocidal maniacs who infest the Libs and the Nats. Unfortunately for the Taylor family it's illegal and they were sprung for doing just that, whence Angus "sat in" on the strong-arming of public servants to look for loopholes. Big A claimed he was assisting with enquiries on behalf of a constituent "farmer from Yass". Perhaps he was misheard. A farmer from "y'ass" maybe, given he was never able to be located.
The zoo keeper's bucket that is the Coalition's version of an energy policy manifests as a series of clownish gambits to undermine renewables and maintain the rivers of gold to the pals in the fossil fuel industries. From newly discovered concerns for the well being of whales supposedly endangered by wind turbines to Chinese Communist plots to deindustrialise the West these fuckers will give any idiocy a run, and Angus as energy minister was head clown. Hence Clovergate.
Clover Moore, Sydney Lord Mayor, is every RWNJ's bête noire. A woman, in authority, a "woke" inner-city, latte/chardonnay sipping elite who is successful and popular and horror of horrors, a champion of net zero. Enter our hero.
Armed with what anybody but a fucking idiot would recognise were dodgy numbers Angus dropped a bucket of ordure all over his own head via a doctored document slipped to Liberal Party Promotions Pty Ltd trading as News Corp, claiming Moore's office had spent more than $15M on travel when the real costs were circa $6K. Fiddle da figures indeed. And this guy was Spud's shadow treasurer FFS!
Wearing a symbolic white suit, less suffragette more White Ladies Funerals given the circumstances, and with her trademark forced smile that always betrayed her loose convictions, suggestive of someone who'd just been handed a turd on a spoon, Sussan Ley departed gracefully.
Suss met all expectations for a female Liberal leader - shivved by the boys' club. Any sympathy I may have had for her gig evaporated upon her shrill, performative outrage over the still warm bodies of 15 murder victims. Look on the bright side Suss - Andrew Hastie will be gunning for Squizzy in short order.
Memory joggers
Anne Davies, The Guardian. 31 Oct 2019
Lisa Cox, The Guardian.14 Dec 2021
Christopher Knaus and Anne Davies. The Guardian. 31 Oct 2019