The Daggy Dad routine has been put on hold
We are eighteen months on from Scooter Morrison's Hawaiian decamping holiday during the devastating 2019-20's bushfires and signs of re-growth have been appearing - the ScoFro on the top of Scooter's head.
In the middle of a pandemic with millions of stressed citizens in lockdown and a vaccine roll-out in a shambles we can at least be re-assured that in this time of crisis the Prime Minister of our nation remains focused on his image.
The ScoMo™ personality cult, carefully crafted and managed by a legion of spin doctors, image wranglers and media manipulators from the Gaetjens, Kunkel & Finkelstein stain removal service within the Ministry of Propaganda will likely have been undergoing some panicked revisions. Following clear evidence that their boy's integrity deficit is becoming too evident to too many there will have been some collective shatting of dacks - there's nothing like a dive in the polls to motivate the re-packaging of their dodgy product.
Don't expect any tattoos, a moustache or Scooter learning the drums but 'ScoMo's homemade curries' (sic) will probably stay on the PR roster - cynical shmaltz to help calm a wavering base of middle-aged white blokes who are increasingly susceptible to buyer's remorse when their golf courses are closed and their jet-skis are stored under a tarp.
Bogan Scotty downing a champagne shoey to insert himself into Olympic successes? Maybe just some green and gold facepaint - Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, oik, oik, oik! Not likely - I'm betting that saviour Scotty the Dear Leader will replace Daggy Dad for some little while at least.
Let's not under-estimate the challenge posed for his grooms and bag carriers. The nation has not grown along with the noble aspirations of an inspirational leader - a Chifley or a Whitlam; it is shrinking to fit the stunted vision of a small mind that is untroubled by scruples, honesty or shame. Grand oratory that uplifts a nation has been replaced by the unprompted denials on a radio talk show that he'd shat himself at a fast food joint. So proud, so uplifted that this contemptible turd is in the national wheelhouse. The re-invention of Scooter should at least be an entertainment during lockdown.
Dear Leader will need to control the smirk. This ever-present tic broadcasts his arrogance and is never a good look but less so when you're responsible for the most spectacular fail since federation. Expect the default to now be serious Scotty - an earnest expression topped by the newly fluffy coiffe. There will be waves of gish-galloped, focus-grouped inanities - "all in this together", "keeping Australians safe", "saving lives and livelihoods" and on and on and on til your will to live is only saved by your desire to see this useless braggart removed from office.
Heroic, sad Jen the ever-reliable empathy prop should get a good run. Jen's been stressed in lockdown apparently. Uncomforted by the panoramic harbour views across manicured lawns yet Jen's trivial tribulations should play well with the North Shore Range Rover set whose gardeners have been unable to tend to the topiary and the mums of middle Australia will swallow it like a rent boy in a prayer room just as they did for Gladdy Twoshoes' Poor Sad Gladys schtick.
In keeping true to neo-liberal/Pentacostal win/lose principles, for Scooter to shine others must suffer. Fingers will be pointed, colleagues will be back-grounded, lambs will be sacrificed, rugs will be pulled from under friend and foe and never shall accountabiity or blame be assigned to The Dear Leader whose true self is there to see for those who bother to look. We'd be better off if, for PM, someone had filled a wetsuit with the contents from the spa filter at an eczema convention.
Fun with Schadenfreude
Not all is doom and gloom:
Christian Porter will never be Prime Minister.
Christian Porter and barrister Sue Chrysanthou may have to pay $500,000 in legal fees to Jo Dyer.
One Nation's James Ashby failed to convince the Federal Court the Government should meet his legal costs to date via an “act of grace” payment of $4.5 million.
Cream bun connoisseur Gorgeous George Christensen and Flaccido Domingo Craig Kelly will both be missing from Parliament after the next election.