An e.mail in reply - from Scotty to his God
Sky News
From: ScoMoses (Scooter)
To: The Lord
Cc: Pastor Brian, Brother Stuie
Subject: Your email
Nǐ hǎo oh Lord,
(See what I did there? Phil Gaetjens suggested I leave that out but what's wrong with a bit of levity between old friends?)
I trust this finds You well. How good's God, eh? 👍👍
I got Jen to read Your e.mail to me as soon as I got back from the opthamologists - my eyesight is still a tad blurry. I am writing in response to said e.mail wherein Thou has't suggested that Your arrangement with me as Your "Chosen One in the great southern land of the Holy Spirit" was in need of review.
I had picked up a vibe that Thou was not happy when my nightly solicitations went unanswered.
Strictly between You and me, I will admit there have been some errors of judgement. Welding that woman's head to the flat-pack chook pen was a staffer's idea, and it was my CoS who didn't clear any of the slogans through your office first (to be blunt I'm not sure he believes You really exist). Don't get me started on Greg Hunt's stuff ups on vaccines and RAT kits. Most of the other problems are the Labor premiers' fault. I have passed your issues on to Phil G for investigation. No, seriously.
I was wondering if perhaps Emmanuel Macron had been in Your ear. Don't believe a word he says - he's a bit fond of the Beaujolais if You follow my drift.
Based on the transactional nature of our relationship i feel there is room for negotiation.
We've got $16 billion stashed away for "discretionary" use and we look after our mates 😉. If You provide me with a coded spreadsheet of Your favoured wealthy institutions I will ensure the appropriate disbursements are made from what's left after Angus and Barnaby have had access to it.
Rupert has confirmed he and his flying monkeys are still on board. They may be evil incarnate but as we both know that's no barrier to doing business.
If we keep poking the godless Chinese it could keep my arse in the big, green chair or even
bring on the great end times a bit earlier. It hits on some of our shared values - fear, war, mass death, racism.
Are we good?
Your humble servant and good friend,
ScoMo
PS. Is my Rapture gold pass still valid?
PPS. Jen says 'hi'.