top of page

The horse's doovers

An amuse-bouche of mainstream news


A round-up of items that barely rated a mention in the mainstream coverage.


Following a renewed push for an Oz republic the Australian Monarchist League has appointed Liberal senate loser Eric "Otto" Abetz as chairman of their group whose objective is to retain the Windsor (née Saxe-Coburg and Gotha) monarchy . Eric said he was delighted to contribute to any campaign that helped to keep the Germans in charge.

In unrelated royal news Liz has gifted a guidebook of Parisian road tunnels to Meghan Markle following Meg's latest ploy to pap The Firm. Reportedly the ex-actress, now pro gold-digger 'rediscovered' her diary in which she recorded her experience in the Royal Family as an 'insurance policy'. "Nice little earner you've got there Liz. Shame if anything should happen to it." The Australian Republican Movement has put in an early bid for publishing rights.

* * * * *

Arch-monarchist Tony Abbott, the red-sluggoed, forelock-tugging, groom of the stool candidate and technophobic visionary who was ejected by his party from the PM chair and rejected by otherwise reliable Tory voters from his own seat has been recruited by the Victorian Liberals to improve their own electoral palatability. Which reminds me of Piggy Mudloon's crack about Kiwi immigrants to Oz improving the average IQ of both countries.

The other key plank in the southern Tories' clever pre-election PR campaign is to shorten their leader's name from Matthew to Matt in a cunning reprise of the ScoMo™ strategy. As a distraction from previous proclivities such as sharing lobster & Grange with a mobster and drunkenly crashing their prestige motor into a child's bedroom it may not be as effective as they may hope given the ALP in Victoria increased its large election-winning lead from a month ago: ALP 60.5%, L-NP 39.5%.

* * * * *

At the national Jobs Summit the Australian Retailers Association has called for the rescinding of the Factory Act (1883) so as to legalise the employment of 13 year olds. Director of Workhouse Gruel, Ezra d'Tripe, defended the idea claiming it would help to keep the youngsters out of the reach of the clergy.

This is a multi-facted approach to statistical manipulation as it offsets the aging demographic of the workforce that was exacerbated by the Tories' bold initiative of forcing retirees back on the tools.

At this same forum the Nationals' Dave Bradbury Littleproud volunteered his idea of bringing back blackbirding to keep the price of fruit within reach and offset the collapse of the food chain brought about by his Party's digging up of all fertile agricultural land in search of additional raw material with which to cook the planet.

* * * * *

Numerologist and one-woman whinge fest Sussan Ley has continued her campaign to re-connect with disaffected women by disparaging the "union thugs" at Albo's Jobs Summit. The average unionist is a 35 year old female nurse.

Suss - when the vacuum in your head causes your face to cave in. Her latest pitch takes up Spud's line, whining about the "forgotten people", forgetting that it was their lot who forgot them.

Tosser. Aging like a fine whine

* * * * *

Sarah Palin, an Alaskan, Trump-endorsed version of Bridget McKenzie on crack, has lost a special election for Congress to a native American Democrat in a state that has been red for almost 50 years. The blow-back from the Roe v Wade decision by the GOP cookers on the SCOTUS has put the frighteners on the gun toting right-to-lifers and law abiding insurrectionists of the Republican Party whose Big Lie has now become their standard concession speech - "the election was stolen".

The USA may yet be saved from its rapid descent into busted-arse status if enough sensible Americans decide that saving their democracy is worth delaying their trip for a Cholesterols-R-Us triple-decker burger with spray-on cheese, family fries and a Bucket-O-Coke and instead register a vote.

bottom of page