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Submarines and Parking Tickets

High farce in the 'No' campaign



 

A waft of V05 and humbug hung in the air when the tinnitus in a trouser suit that is Michaelia Cash was handed the drivel shtick for the Tories' latest FUD campaign - their vilification du jour being the indigenous Voice to parliament. "Thoil innerfear with our summaroines 'n' parggin' tiggeds, moite. Anythink they doan loike thoil toike to the hoi cawt. Air cunnry will go to the dorgs" intoned Blah Stupenda in a strident tirade of sanctimonious cant and poorly disguised bigotry (I may have paraphrased a tad given the semi-intelligible, high velocity boganese of ol' Helmet Hair but the tone is authentic).


In the absence of ideas, vision, empathy or morals it was a given that Schrödinger's Opposition, in desperate attempts at relevance, would oppose all government initiatives - but the Voice was a gimme for their 'open tongs in the kitchen drawer' attitude to fairness and decency. The profusion of flight risks that is their party room has awoken to the notion that their repertoire of punching down, dog-whistling to racists, provoking culture wars, terrifying the tremulous, deceiving the ignorant and cultivating the stupid could all be weaponised for the one issue they'll take to the Führer bunker. In the midst of the Coalition's existential crisis, keeping the Blackfellas in their place is THE issue the Libs are prepared to fight for survival on.


And no 'No' campaign would be complete without the presence of Captain No himself - Tony "Strop" Abbott, flicking his tongue and licking his eyeballs and giving creedence to the notion that lizard people do walk amongst us. Crusader Rabid has joined the fray to deploy the same level of watery stools that passed for policy in the Credlin-Abbott "government" (sic) - destroying the nation-building NBN and carbon neutrality, and the cringe-de-la-cringe, his knighting of a foreign monarch's consort. The most laughable aspect of Tone's argument, and that's quite the challenge, is that this forelock tugging, knee-bending arch-monarchist thinks that hearing disenfranchised Indigenous citizens' opinions is akin to annointing them with House of Lords status. This is fish looking for a barrel stuff.


They'll bow and scrape to the monarch of a foreign land , they'll profess “humble affection” and “obedience” to the head of England's special breeding program for hooray-Henries, chinless wonders, lords and nobles, they will prostrate themselves before inherited privilege who "cannot be other than a member of the Anglican Church, can never be other than British and can never be an Indigenous person". They'll listen to lobbyists, they'll hear the rent seekers, they'll take note of the carpet baggers and grifters but they'll continue to ignore those most deserving of a sympathetic hearing.


They don't belong in Opposition. They belong in the discards pile of too-offensive pub trivia questions.



Vote "Yes".


 

Shovel this bullshit on your roses.


Supporting a YES vote. University of Melbourne.


5 Comments


James McHugh
James McHugh
May 03, 2023

Thanks again for the "dicesection"

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Jim Gleeson
May 02, 2023

You had me at a waft of VO5….top work again mate.

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Al Cooper
Al Cooper
May 02, 2023

Some of your best work to date Grumps, keep sticking it up them.

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Pagnol
Pagnol
May 02, 2023

Exactly!

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sharpinjr
May 02, 2023

OMFG Grumpy. I laughed so much I wee’d a little bit. One of your best this year. I just can’t shake that vision of Strop licking his eyeballs. You are a literary genius. Vote YES.

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