Spudicide - taking the dick out of Dickson
- paulrfalconer
- Apr 18
- 5 min read
Updated: Apr 19
This post includes references to dicks. And potatoes.
You may recall that at the time of the shivving of Malcolm Turnbull PM one P.Spuddy had summoned Mrs Spud and a junior Spud to Canberra in anticipation of a celebration of his ascent to the throne. It's history now that he was outsmarted by the vacuous fabulist and shameless poseur Scooter Morrison. The Tuber was considered the worse option by the Tories. He was a premature self-congratulator. It's time for history to repeat itself.
Spuddy had leaned so far into MAGA world I was half expecting calls for the annexation of New Zealand, an RFK Jnr-style promotion of the recreational possibilities of roadkill and for Brigit McKenzie.xls to emulate her GOP analogue Sporky Taylor Green's stalking of Hunter Biden by whipping out poster-sized prints of Albo's son's huge schlong*. But it all turned to custard - Spuddy is now the deer in the headlights, causing a schadenfreude overflow at Chez Geezer.
*Calls to Albo's office to verify dimensions have not been returned
"An Ipsos poll commissioned for Daily Mail Australia on Wednesday revealed Dutton’s personal approval ratings had fallen to the lowest level of any opposition leader for 20 years."
The New Daily, 16.4.25
It breaks my brain that Spuddy was ever in contention. Sure, he got coddled as Opposition leader by corporate media - a scritch behind the ear here, a tummy rub there, but he cultivated his reputation as hardman, an alpha male and head kicker which went over like a wet turd in a ball pit with all but evolution's dead-enders, incels, conspiracists and neo-Nazis. The nasty shone through. His gift for the grift, his monumental incompetence and his racism all wrapped in the personality of phlegm was so egregious it could not be ignored.
The hypocrisy and projection was laid on with a trowel, but it was the Trumpy cruelty and grievance-mongering, denigration of institutions, demonisation of scapegoats of convenience, the anti-"woke" glibness, the autocratic over-reach that he must have considered a winning formula that has brought him undone. He has the sagacity of cabbage and the substance of one of those pneumatic Mar-a-Lago rent-a-slags.
The orange shtick was not limited to the potato persona alone.
“If you look at the standard of candidates we have selected across the board, I think we have selected some amazing people...”
Spuddy, 10 April 2025
Exhibit A. Jacinta Price , Tory DEI hire and MAGA franchisee:
Chutzpah - "We can bring Australia back to its former glory." This, after nine years of Tory graft and incompetence and Robodebt.
Hyperbolic twaddle - “We hate the fact that Anthony Albanese has effectively destroyed Australia.”
The Lib preselection of cookers and crooks has delivered candidates who would sit comfortably in
the ginger minger's One Notion or Clive Palmer's collection of creeps and weirdos. It should not need stating that this too mimics the orange Dementadon by recruiting window lickers.
Benjamin Britton, dumped candidate for Whitlam opposed “beautiful” women serving in combat roles in the Defence force and he had some uncomfortable interests in antisemitic and extremist conspiracy chat groups. His replacement, Nathaniel Smith, inhabits the far-right end of the LNP looney bell curve.
In FNQ's seat of Leichhardt candidate Jeremy Neal railed against Covid restrictions and blamed “feminists” for Donald Trump’s election loss. He volunteered his own electorate, home to the Daintree Rainforest, Cape York and the Torres Strait, as a nuclear waste dump.
Colourful electoral identity Scott Yung, the party's candidate for Bennelong handed out Easter treats to young students in front of the Lane Cove public school. In a non-nonce way of course.
Wizz kid Jeffrey Kidney 😁*, Liberal candidate for Wills in inner-Melbourne, pleaded guilty in March 2024 to obtaining financial advantage by deception. I believe this behavior is treated as a credential not a crime by the Libs. Regardless, he was ordered to pay $10,640 in compensation.
*He's middle-aged. I just couldn't resist.
Amelia Hamer, Liberal Party blue blood and great hope to wrest the blue-ribbon seat of Kooyong back from the teals pitched herself as a renter and someone who empathises with tenants’ struggles by hiding her landlord status - owning apartments in London and Canberra. And BTW she's a beneficiary of a $20M trust.
Fellow struggler and Reid candidate Grange Chung is best known for owning a luxury apartment in the Japanese ski resort of Nozawa Onsen and being named after a hugely expensive shiraz - both sufficient proof he prioritises the well-being of the unfortunate over self-interest.
These are some of the newbies. Let us be mindful of the leftovers still haunting the Opposition benches. Their front bench in particular is a reminder of the wretched state of the political right and the recent history of their best of the best - the creme-de-la-crim.
ALP 53% to Coalition 47% in latest YouGov poll, the Coalition at an historic low and the Prime Minister is ahead 49% to 40% among male voters, while 47% of women back Albanese compared to 35% for the Opposition Leader. YouGov. That squeaking noise is Sussan Lley pondering her (lack of) future or the wheels coming off the clown car. Or perhaps it's the puckering of Spuddy's sphincter.
"...here were murmurs about Angus Taylor positioning for a post-election challenge to Dutton’s leadership. By Sunday night, angry Liberals reported “the knives are out”.
Niki Savva, SMH, 16.4.25
I dearly want to see him humiliated by being voted out ala Ol' Camphor Balls Howard. But if Squizzy Taylor wants to shank the prick then I'm cool with that too. Karma.
“So I pulled over and I picked up the bear and put him in the back of my van, because I was gonna skin the bear,” he explains matter-of-factly. “It was in very good condition and I was gonna put the meat in my refrigerator.”
Marjorie Taylor Greene sparks outrage by showing explicit photos of Hunter Biden at congressional hearing. The Independent.21.07.2023.
“Marjorie Taylor Greene is literally showing dick pics at our Oversight Hearing,”
Frantic calls, party concern as Lib candidate under spotlight. SMH, 15.04.2025.
"Contesting the most marginal seat in Australia...the fear there was something more waiting in the shadows that could potentially derail the Liberal campaign."
Another classic, well done Sir.
In the USA we have King Krasnov and the Kid, shady Vance, doing all possible to destroy democracy and cuddle up to dictators. Here we have Tsar Peter and Sussputin trying to steal the keys to the Kingdom of Oz. The difference being, is that the Oz subjects are a few steps ahead of their Yankee counterparts! Thanks again Geezer, my ribs are sore, keep up the great comedic writing.
Perhaps Dutton is really that stupid. Cause for optimism. Fingers crossed.
Don’t
Under any circumstances
Trust anything
That Spud says
Or ever let him anywhere
Near the Prime Ministership.