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Newscorp polishes the knob

The tattered remnants of the "natural party of government" experienced a collective bout of the vapours when their keys to the nation's treasure were confiscated and the very real prospect arose that some of their most egregious persons of interest would be held accountable for the boondoggles, daily scandal and general douchebaggery. They are now re-grouping under new management to reactivate the fear and loathing that is their brand.

Cartoon: Alan Moir


The Game Of Mates is the Tories' raison d'être - it gives the tawdry existence of their party some meaning, it puts the 'dicks' in Big Swinging Dicks®, it's their viagra, their self-esteem. It's the foundations of the Tory ecosystem, it's the glue that binds their warring tribes who otherwise despise each other. The Thatcherites, cutpurses, chancers & urgers and glory holers, the bible-bending mammonites and the poofter bashers that make up their number were all collectively bereft that the grift without access to our money is unworkable.

Now no lie is too outrageous, no sanctimony is too hyprocritical to facilitate the big con, to once again seek to serve their neo-liberal instincts for national asset stripping and stealing our money to gift to their pals. Their big problem as they arise from the fainting couch and straighten their hair is how to sell their shitfuckery anew to punters who had abandoned them due to that very same shitfuckery.

You can accuse the Tories of many things and if any of those things is derogatory then there's a fair chance it will be true. Like herd stupidity. Thinning this herd by taking out the lame and the dimwitted is futile if the objective is to improve the breed. These dullards actvely disenfranchise their best and brightest (i.e. the less repulsive) leaving a shallow gene pool that has an animatronic legume as its figurehead and as 2IC a befuddled ditz who's out of her depth at the wading end. What these clowns in their wisdom seem to have decided upon is a threefold strategy:

After moderate electors abandoned their party the worst-of-the-worst are pushing further right and doubling down on the issues that saw them thrown from office. Yet unless they win back the seats lost to independents they’ll need an unrealistic 54% of the 2PP for majority government.

Then also they adopt the blanket negativism of the rabid Abbott's clownship regardless of the harm to the national interest. After being laughed from office Abbott's been haunting the periphery with delusions of a Churchilian return, reminding voters of the Christo-Taliban who infect the Tories yet the modus operandi of a bloke whose term as PM was shorter than the shelf-life of Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriends still inspires the surviving Tory by-catch.

They will politicise every issue ala Punchable McSmirkFace. Morrison personified the most soporifric, contemptible, mercenary government in our history, yet the Libs have never seen a bad idea that they aren't prepared to repeat. The stage 3 tax cuts being a perfect example - they are salivating at the prospect of a political wedge. What's best for the country is entirely irrelevant in the pursuit of political point scoring.

Lessons learned? These idiots keep pressing the close button on the elevator doors that their heads are trapped in. Their attempts at reputational recovery are at Sideshow Bob level.

If you've ever peed on an electric fence you'll recognise the presentation skills of Lib deputy douche, the Tories' head tosser Sussan Ley. Bed hair, rapid eye blinks and facial tics suggest the speaking points on her whine list are being transmitted via vibrating anal beads. Suss elicits an image not so much of windswept, womanly intuition, more a blancmange in a windtunnel; barely holding together a coherent sentence in her stream of contrived outrage at whatever the Tory spin machine has nominated as the deflection du jour. Bluster serves as camouflage, shame and embarrassment ooze from her pores as <head toss> she snivels her self-pity <head toss> where, after 9 years of neglect, incompetence and criminality everything is the fault of someone else <head toss>.

Trotting out LeyZ to front the media highlights at least some instinct within the party that the big tuber, Spud Supreme, was not yet ready for full, uncensored public consumption. Unfortunately for them most people know exactly who he is and so the Cuddly Pete treatment will be trowelled on by the pamphleteers at News Corp as cover for his innate, menacing, deadpan shtick on the occasions he escapes his keepers.

Spud is sticking with his greatest hits - fear, uncertainty and doubt; Spud's FUD. Brownish toddlers threatening our way of life by inspiring invading hordes of suicide bombers, fearful Melbournians seeking refuge from dark rampagers, union thugs, indigenous Australians, the gay and trans communities, "an over-tolerant society", dirty lefties, climate protesters, refugee advocates and rude Tweeters besmirching his reputation.

RWNJs always need an enemy on whom to project their own worst instincts and Spud's marked his territory. If you're of "the other" you will be demonised. The flaw in all of this of course is that when you add up all the others you have a majority - hence, the Tories and their News Corp muck-spreaders will prosecute the culture wars to divide and conquor.

Venality unites the Tories. What they cannot understand is that empathy, the fair go, the helping hand unites the rest of us and so they will fail. Big time.


Cartoon. Cathy Wilcox

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