The End of an Error
Nominating those most worthy of their fall under the 2022 karma bus provides both a shortlist for fuck-knuckle of the year (FOTY) and solid evidence that the human species is at an evolutionary dead end when such bilge is the best we can come up with to run the world. It's also a somewhat cathartic end to the year to call out these cockwombles, and it holds out some small hope for a better 2023.
I've pruned back a long list and may have overlooked some strong contenders - if you think someone truly worthwhile has not got a mention then please nominate them in the comments.
The Liberal Party. One of the great oxymorons of Oz politics, the Liberal (sic) Party is a collective noun for losers. Corrupt by inclination, incompetent through habit, mean and nasty by nature there is no con they're incapable of in any attempt to recapture the graft.
Kicked in the nuts at state, territory and federal levels, 2022 may have been the beginning of the end of this cabal of dolts, vandals and thieves. Their dissolution can't come soon enough - replaced by sensible independents and Greens with a few harmless nutters like Bob The Mad Hatted Katter retained as a repository for the irredeemable RWNJ vote and as occasional comedy relief - it can only be a good thing.
Spud and Suss - the meritocracy that is the "natural party of government" threw up the tuberesque undertater and his whiney sidekick. Bubba and Squeak are the best that Schrödinger's opposition has to offer. These two are so ineffectual they barely even register as bad guys.
Liz Truss may have survived longer if she'd also gone that extra consonant - "Liz Trusss" has a certain multi-dimensional, reptilian cold bloodedness that could've kept the warm & fuzzy milquetoasts of the British financial establishment at bay until she fully sank the economy.
The horseshit producers from the Murdoch stable are another collective nomination. The plagiarists, phone hackers, bin rummagers, fossil fuel boosters, airheads and entropied fuddy duddies from the outrage factory of a withered, tax avoiding sociopath were left sobbing into their Tanqueray London Drys as their best efforts to turn Oz into a neo-liberal hellscape came to nought. $40 million in Lib government grants provided some consolation. Phil Coorey from planet Costello is an honorary member of this shameless Tory cheer squad.
Vladimir Putin's title of murderous psycopath of the century is likely assured but karma won't have finished with him until his bloodied corpse is pelted with potatoes as it's dragged behind a tractor through Red Square. Next year maybe. In the interim Vlad will not be admiring the views from any high windows.
Elon Musk, the world’s richest shitposter torched US$44 billion for Twitter and tanked Tesla shares as a consequence simply to show the cool guys how funny he is. He's just a gormless twat with inherited wealth and Saudi riyals to squander but it's his now revealed autocratic RWFWery that earns him a place on any list of prominent arseholes.
Cookers. No crazy is crazy enough for these whackadoodle 'sovereign citizens'. Nutters desperately seeking relevance and importance as revealers of great truths in their otherwise dreary, meaningless existence?
They could be laughed off except these are the same types of deluded beer belly putschers, gravy seals and ammosexuals who invaded Washington's Capitol seeking to murder Mike Pence and Nancy Pelosi and are of the type who did murder two young coppers and a neighbour in Queensland.
Barnaby Joyce. No list of fuckwits is complete without Barnaby's name being included.
Matthew Guy. "Call me Matt" ex-Vic Lib leader and the loser of losers smashed by Dan Andrews at the last state election. Not the worst of the worst because he's such a loser and so never achieved the level of prominence that would have allowed him to let loose his worst mobster instincts.
Brian Houston's invisible BFF rewards the worthy with riches so with the tithe taps turned off Brother Brian is learning what it's like for those of us who are out of favour with the Big Guy in the sky. Karma ran over his prosperity dogma. Sad!
Katherine Deves. Apparently there's blokes going about chopping off their cocks so they can win ribbons at women's swimming carnivals but like most, I can spot a genuine cunt a mile away.
The final contenders
The final three are possibly obvious - they have in common a natural affinity with lying, a talent for the grift, a narcissistic self-belief that goes beyond delusion and a physical presence that would make a cadaver dog gag. They are the smirking, prosperity god-fodder who disproved the Peter Principle six jobs ago, an adulterous £5 haircut on an unmade bed and an apricot-coloured fatsuit filled with congealed hamburger grease.
ScoMo, BoJo and Fuckhead.
After an uninterrupted run 2016-2020 Trump misses out this year, a has-been loser wandering the despot kitsch of Mar-a-lago accosting patrons with his tired schtick of the Big Lie as the walls close in on him.
Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson still maintains the collosal conceit of a Churchillian resurrection of his interrupted career as one of Britain's great PMs. A dilettante, a wastrel, a shambolic opportunist and agent of chaos with no fixed principles he gave top spot as FOTY a good run but conceded the win to our very own Grange label on a goon bag - Smirko von Skidmark.
Purging Scott Morrison from our system requires that we be exposed to some bit more Scott Morrison. The brighter the light shone on the behaviour of Resting Smug Face, that reprehensible black hole of honesty where truth bends around him, the less likely it is that hypocritical God shoppers like him will ever again steal such high public office.
Smirko's shortcomings are many, manifest and of consequence. A colourless non-entity who through happenstance, arrogance and a disdain for common courtesies and proprieties,
whose abuse of trust and loyalty gained him a role for which he was entirely unfit. Devoid of decency this Jesus-espousing hypocrite bullied and hectored those least able to fight back. A mongrel; a coward loathed by those who know of him and those who know him.
The final, public humiliation of Scooter Morrison is a play in two parts - his parliamentary censure and his appearance at the Royal Commission into Robodebt.
His Scotty The Saviour-themed response to parliamentray censure included apocalyptic eschatology ("staring into the abyss"), blame-deflecting and, self-congratulatory claims to the efforts of others and wholly-invented assertions of heroism. His responses to questioning at the Royal Commission were a Morrisonian masterclass in deflection, avoidance and dissembling. If anyone was to blame it was those public servants, who upon his gaining office he instructed to do only what they were told and no more. What a gold-plated minger he is.
If justice prevails there will be part 3 - Smirko fronting the The National Anti-Corruption Commission. Perhaps there the dawning realisation that he is the most widely loathed politician in our history will elicit some <sarcasm> genuine contrition </sarcasm>.
*The End of an Error - from a sign held up at the inauguration of Joe Biden.
Former prime minister Scott Morrison does not intend to remain in parliament for the long term and is likely to start thinking about pursuing a business career in the new year, according to confidants.
Who can imagine the standards of any organisation that would employ this POS?
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