Dumpster fire of the vanities

A reality check for the born-to-rulers

Photo: Toffs & toughs, Jimmy Sime, 1937


Could it be a wank that brings Scooter Morrison undone? Not the metaphorical kind of Scooter's self-indulgent posturing or his constant, carefully crafted photo ops but rather a literal wank - a hairy-palmed Lib staffer interrogating the prisoner in a female MP's office and depositing a pearl necklace on her furniture.


It's all a bit ewww but let he who has not lusted after a Swedish flatpack or felt a stirring in the loins at the sight of a come hither trestle table be the one to cast the first stone. A furniture fetish is not the most outrageous of aberrations and self-abuse is one small warp in the rich tapestry of sybaritism that characterises the private school boys, IPA Gordon Gekko tribute acts, spads and cosseted MPs who make up the Tory ecosystem. It's all just elitist prigs behaving badly.


Ah, but see, it's the context. This bloke, the wanker, was not succumbing to the allure of a fine wood grain and the subtle bouquet of Mr Sheen; he was marking his territory. A female MP had dared trespass onto the realm of the Big Swinging Dicks so she was to be demeaned. In absentia. Tacky as fuck but should we be too surprised?


When such a circumstance became known the Scooter no doubt tested the level of performative outrage required against Jen's view of a misogynistic yahoo tabling his seminal works. "Jenny has a way of clarifying things, always has." Apparently it was about a 9.5 on the indignance scale, somewhat higher than that expressed for two alleged rapes. Tory standards, what!


Jen's perspective aside, rent boys in Parliament House trawling for rough trade is not a place I thought we'd ever be. Gay orgies in a prayer room was not on most folks' radar I suspect.


Barnaby the bedswerver has faded from the headlines and Georgie Buoy, our floating attaché for S.E.Asian affairs must be relieved now that interest in his cultural exchanges is coming to a happy ending. Their behaviours now seem unremarkable. How much lower the Tories have sunk in such a short time!


Abuse, bullying and alleged rapes, cover ups and outraged women across the country - the chicken choking episode is only one small part of the Fibonacci accumulation of rorts, dodgy dealings and misogynistic sleaze but it could be the spark that blows the whole thing up.


The self-regarding born-to-rulers have been exposed as graduates of the Benny Hill school of gender studies - predators, staff fondlers, chair sniffers, sex pests and creepy uncles.


And the Scooter is no longer the master of his own domain.



Porter has always enjoyed having his cake and eating it too


Who’s who in the Liberals’ left, right and centre factions? SMH