Chicken Littleproud ducks off. Canavan assumes the position
- 1 day ago
- 3 min read
Back to the future with Matt King Coal
The rightest right winger in the right wing of the right wing partner within the right wing coalition says he will appeal to a broad section of Australians.
Of the nation’s 226 federal parliamentarians only 18 identify as National Party¹. They attracted 3.8 per cent of electors under their own banner. They're undergoing an existential crisis as the red neck vote follows Drunkerby Joyce to the Ginger Minger's goat rodeo. Aptronymic David 𝖣̶𝗈̶𝗅̶𝗂̶𝗍̶𝗍̶𝗅̶𝖾̶ Littleproud has quit the leadership, further annoying Drunkerby by creating an opening that the empurpled one can now no longer fill.
In line with Tory tradition DoLittle's self-aggrandising "achievements" were Abbottesque contrarianisms - undoing the worthy initiatives of others. His proudest works were withdrawing Nationals' support for net zero and leading the fight against first Australians' interests via the blatantly deceitful campaign to deny them their Voice to Parliament.
His spruiking of nuclear energy is Nationals' BAU - an unviable boondoggle paid for by others. It was intended to sabotage renewable energy markets with the added bonus of upsetting the rubes' bêtes noires - those "woke/elite/inner-city/latte sipping/ABC watching Greens and Teals".
Twice splitting with the Liberal Party was a nice touch for DoLittle. Engineered to undermine Sussan Ley it has resulted in a by-election for her seat, one that could be a bloodbath for the Nationals. So rather than front any consequent finger-pointing the sook has done a runner.
Most recognisable as the giggling idiot on the opposition front bench and for the rolled-up shirt sleeves affectation, DoLittle's absence from the job will be as noticeable as the hole left by a finger pulled from a bucket of water.
Enter Matt Sooty Canavan. Preceded by 80cm of forehead. Matty's shtick is built around a narrower palette of contrived personalities than was FauxMo's daggy dad/father of the nation/brother Scotty/welder/pilot/man of the land/hair washer artifice. From Productivity Commission to KPMG to political staffer to senator, collars don't get any whiter than Matty's, bums don't get any shinier. So, his credibility-stretching pitch is that he's on the tools. At the literal coal face.
"In politics, you got to be yourself...He (Canavan) won’t try and change himself and put on false airs. He’ll just be himself." Former Nationals senator John "Wacka" Williams speaking to The Saturday Paper. LOL!
Likely Sooty will drop the cos play now that he's the Big Knob, albeit in a very shallow gene pool. I do particularly like this one below though where anti-renewables Sooty has installed a wind & solar-powered device for Mrs Sooty as her Mother's Day present:
Cos play aside, Sooty's personal brand is maverick, rabid, anti-renewable energy, anti-climate mitigation. “There is far too much emphasis on climate. It's just not that big a deal...".
Yet:
"It is completely hypocritical to make this amendment to the act, that restricts the use of nuclear energy... when we also need it to defend against the risk of climate change."
Matt Canavan. 20 November, 2024
Sooty's job now, apart from presiding over the parliamentary Man-Coal Love Association, is to stop the bleeding of yokels, back blocks kulaks, ring-barkers and boondockers to One Nation whose trademark grievance mongering and racism has, like Nigel Farage's Reform cretin collective, tapped into the zeitgeist of Trumpist fearmongering. Will Sooty try and out-RWFW Hanson's swivel-eyed cookers?
This brings Sooty into direct conflict with his old mate Drunkerby:
“I think he’s going to raise the level of debate. I think he’s vastly, vastly more competent than Littleproud,”
Joyce on Canavan's elevation. The Saturday Paper. 14 March, 2026
There's insufficient IQ in the rube base to share between the Twaddledumbs and Twaddledumbers of Nats vs One Notion so it will be entertaining to see how the Canavan/Joyce bromance is sustained as guns get drawn.
Does he have what it takes to save the Nats? Sooty's perspicacity will be tested and found wanting - evidenced by his embrace of the born-to-rule delusions of the right:
"Australians don't trust Labor on anything, not just energy."
Matt Canavan. 20 November, 2024
MPs & senators - Labor: 123 , Nats: 18
As the enshittification of the world worsens Sooty at least will provide some entertainment.
¹National Party parliamentarians - HoR and Senate.
Awkward:
Goodness gracious, Canberra has become a kaleidoscopic clown car!
Chicken Littleproud pirouettes offstage,
Drunkerby Joyce juggles yokels and smoke bombs, and
Sooty Canavan struts in at the literal coal face, forehead so vast it could host its own committee.
The Nationals?
Officially 11 MPs only - the others are Qld. SPINOFFS - 4.9% yet somehow billed as a force of nature. LNP MPs flit between rooms like caffeinated grasshoppers, while SOOTY'S cosplay antics, neon Hi-Vis, solar-powered gifts, and general maverick absurdity turn Parliament into a surreal pantomime.
Popcorn in hand, we watch the Hill’s Hoist lean, Littleproud’s ghost undo good work from beyond the grave, and Canberra swirl into a performance art version of governance.
Policy?
Forget it.
Sooty?
All…
The hills Hoist upright isn't quite vertical or the photographer isn't quite sober, therefore it's either a poor job by Canavan or the photographer is Drunkaby.
“The only constant in life is change - especially when it comes to the opposition's leadership. With Senator Canavan becoming Nationals Leader, we now have a Nationals Leader in the Senate and a Nationals Leader of the Senate and they’re not the same person. Confused? So am I.” Tony Burke 5&5 Newsletter
Apart from that - ON and The National Party might make a better fit for a coalition than the current arrangement with the Liberals? Maybe, maybe not.
Anyway Grumpy, once again an accurate depiction of all concerned.
Bridget 'Annie get your spreadsheet' McKenzie, always needs a couple of chardys pre interview to speak of nothing but total rubbish, which she normally does anyway. She must like the oak, it triggers the dry barnyard feral figures in her palate and brain. Sooty can use the Hill's Hoist to hang the chooks from after he axes their heads of for Chrissy lunch!