Bibulous Barnaby cracks the shits
- paulrfalconer
- 3 days ago
- 6 min read
Enter Pauline Hanson. BJ considers his options.
Net zero is the issue. Equivalent to Barnaby's achievements after 20 years in politics.
As Coalition hard right loons prepare to defenestrate Sussan Ley, barking Barmy Joyce the empurpled jizz distributor from New England, is threatening to jump. Pauline Hanson has offered him an opening.
Someone, and I wish I could give credit, recently said of Barnaby that he is spruiking typewriters in a touchscreen world. The "best retail politician" in Australia is aggrieved and considering joining the anachronisms of One Neuron to tout the virtues of carbon pollution with their science-averse quacks and weirdos (viz Screwloose Lautrec - the wee, shaved gerbil signing himself as "Malcolm-Ieuan: Roberts., the living soul" on parliamentary correspondence).
Aptronymic David L̶a̶u̶g̶h̶i̶n̶g̶s̶t̶o̶c̶k̶ Littleproud, who should be capable of seeing both sides of an argument simultaneously, is the cause of Barmaby's current chagrin. The rhubarb-tinted one feels hard done by - Littleproud having shivved BJ, his once upon a time mentor. The soi-disant man of consequence, now a forlorn figure on the nosebleed back bench, is never again to achieve the status that he thinks is his due. “My relationship with the leadership of the Nationals in Canberra has unfortunately, like a sadness in some marriages, irretrievably broken down” lamented the impregnatron - he who had become used to enjoying the perks of being on top.
A wobbly-booted blend of cirrhosis and stupidity the libidinously incontinent Barmaby is an inevitable evolution from the mercifully brief "Abbott era" (sic) - taxonomically being the bozozoic interregnum. Barmy is a relic from the subsequent cretinaceous period of Morrison/Joyce L/NP government.
"The former Nationals leader has long been a national embarrassment, accident-prone and scandal-ridden, and it is beyond time that he quit politics altogether."
Troy Bramston. The Australian, 21 Oct 2025. When you've lost Murdoch's Tory propaganda apparatus....
Barmy's primary talent is throwing grenades - typically into the trenches on his own side. He has crossed the floor 28 times. This goes down well with the rubes. There is a MAGA-like devotion in the bush to this crapulous ultracrepidarian*, a Bjelke-Petersen acolyte, a lover of bush-based boondoggles, a rorter, a credibly accused sexual harasser (he has denied the allegations). BJ is a bloviating chucklefuck who works the gimmick of wise man of the land, a bloke who tells it like it is, an uncompromising champion of the 'weatherboard nine' who are doing it tough in the sticks. The ludicrously large, wide-brimmed Akubra, the RM Williams boots (now swapped for Gina Rinehart's Indonesian-made Rossi brand), his affectation of reciting the names of country towns in his rambling dialogues, hands clasped over the bulging ROI from his copious VB investments. The random placement of teeth (neglected headstones in an abandoned churchyard), the sartorial cred of a split laundry bag dragged from under a bush, the magenta visage (Joyce's jabberings are typically so incoherent as to be useless for determining his state of sobriety - better to monitor the purpleness of his head). All this contributes to his "authenticity" apparently. But Barmy's overt brand is grievance.
*Ultracrepidarian: one who loves to give their opinion, at length, on matters they know nothing about.
Net zero is his immediate cause celebre. There is a holey bucket technique to his anti-renewables ranting - 'climate change is a con, climate change has always happened, humans don't contribute to climate change, Australia doesn't contribute to climate change, our contribution is too small to matter, the cost of mitigation is too high. Besides, Gina once offered me $40,000 cheque and my mate Matty's family owns a busted arse coal mine'.
Barmy is quite chuffed at his latest grenade, throwing it at the Nat's commitment to net zero, administering the coup de gras to Suss's fraught political ambitions, jeopardising the Coalition and guaranteeing a further massacre of Tories at the next election.
“I’ve played my part. I could be faux humble and say, ‘Oh no, no.’ Definitely, I played my part. Had a big part.”
Barking Barmy bragging on his role in the Nats dropping of net zero and thereby wanting to wilfully undermine the health of the planet's biosphere.
Barmy abandoning the Nats comes as somewhat of a surprise. This is not a bloke with transferrable skills outside of white collar crime. He was once an accountant - who as Shadow Finance Minister struggled with the difference between millions and billions (he lasted 3 months in that role). He's misconstrued the biblical invocation of thy rod and thy staff. He's been Deputy PM and acting PM on multiple occasions which adds cachet to a CV but he can never be accused of bringing dignity or credibility to the roles so, so much for any of the lobbying/consulting firms.
A talking head on Sky? A Murdoch hack? BJ's forte is incoherent gibbering so it's a long shot, but don't rule it out.
Joining Clive Hairy Palmer's wingnut collective? That possibility has the 'ka-ching' factor - Clive's got lots of money and he throws it around at his lost causes. Senator Joyce from the Cookers-R-Us party! To paraphrase an aphorism - BJ wouldn't be the dumbest fuck in the Senate but he'd want to hope Clive's bug-eyed chubster Ralphie Babet doesn't die.
Big Vag's fudgels for discarded Tory nut jobs? If Gina Reinhart can cop the egregious Sophie Mirabella on her payroll she can cope with BJ as a directly employed gofer rather than, as now, a sub-contracted one. I won't write this option off.
The talked about option though is the lipsticked dipstick from Ipswich. ("Australia may be on a trajectory where One Nation overtakes the Coalition to become the nation’s main right-wing party" - The New Daily). The Libs are like fish looking for barrel so this is not as wild an idea as it first seems.
Pauline Hanson, after seeing the images of a munted Joyce splayed on a Braddon footpath said "there's my boy!" She's added smugness to her grab bag of personality defects and thinks Barmy would be a good fit for her delusional ambitions.
A seat in the Senate would give BJ another 6 years at least sucking on the public teat - something the champions of small government are quite practised at.
If he stands as an independent in his seat he may be re-elected but as an independent he won't enjoy the perks and privileges afforded major party members, so unlikely to happen. If he does he would split the red neck vote and open up the possibility of a more progressive independent ala Tony Windsor taking the win. Oh frabjous day!
Watching the machinations of those on the right such as Barmaby is quite entertaining. The grievance peddlars, the Trumpsters, the febrile Christo-fascists and happy clappers, those for whom wealth equates to virtue, flat earthers, sex pests. Consider the freaks of Barmaby's persuasion - Craig Kelly, the party swapper who changes gear without using the clutch, spherical Buoy George Chistensen, coprophiliac Mark Latham, Matt King Coal Canavan, el narcisso Cory Bernardi, Alex Antic who's busily turning the SA Liberals into an unelectable tent revival of Jesus freaks. Things never work out well for the extreme right.
As amusing as they are they are also damaging to the country's well being whenever in the wheelhouse. It looks likely that the BJ will help keep them side-lined for some time yet.
"Technology not taxes"..."We believe in technology, they [Labor] believe in legislation. They believe in laws, we believe in technology." Barnaby Joyce, then part of executive government that creates laws. This from a senior member of a coalition that sought to sabotage the NBN, that defunded the CSIRO, that bagged the SA Big Battery, that claimed EVs would end the weekend, and they now will do all they can to sabotage renewable energy initiatives.
"Twenty-three years ago, a Chinese-Australian solar scientist moved from Sydney to Wuxi to build China's solar panel manufacturing industry from scratch, using technology developed in Australian universities.
"Shi Zhengrong became the world's first clean energy billionaire, nicknamed "The Sun King". China went on to dominate global solar panel manufacturing and, thanks to a mix of innovation and cut-throat competition, made solar the cheapest source of electricity in history.
"Australian science graduates filled the top technology roles at the biggest Chinese solar companies. And a solar cell design developed in Australia became the global standard.
"Meanwhile, Australia mostly stopped building its own solar panels."
James Purtill, ABC's online technology reporter, April 2024.
China once built an industry from Australian innovation. China now has a 20-year technological innovation advantage over the rest of the world.
The technophobic Tories have been well and truly kicked to the kerb. Let's help ensure they stay there for some time yet.
Fun with anagrams
Barnaby Joyce - Cab nearby, joy.
Weatherboard Nine
Barnaby Joyce: Cross country. SMH, 19 May, 2016 ($)
"When I look at this," he says, shaking his head, "I start to wonder whether climate change might really be happening."
Barnaby Joyce trashed the regulator and left Labor to clean up his pesticide mess. "Joyce was told would happen if he moved APVMA to his electorate happened, and it trashed the agency." Crikey, 17 July 2023 ($).
Barnaby Joyce isn’t a ‘maverick’ political genius. He’s a politically poisonous sook. Crikey ($) 20 October 2025