After the 2024 Purge-A-Tory election...
- paulrfalconer
- Jul 27
- 7 min read
Updated: Jul 30
a gutted L/NP steps on rakes and shouts at clouds
We shouldn't kick a political party while it's down. Let them do it to themselves.
The 48th Parliament has now commenced with just a smear of 34 Lib/LNP MPs. The smoking ruins of the "natural party of government". In numerology "34 embodies self-knowledge and spiritual wisdom while staying grounded in practical matters". That should give some comfort to consonant enthusiast (and scourge of spell-checkers everywhere) Sussan Ley and her co- remnants from the self-avowed meritocracy as they come to terms with just how little merit the voting public was prepared to credit them. The Coalition is at its lowest ebb in 40 years.
Pretending they matter will help the surviving Tories to numb the pain of bruised egos and thwarted ambitions. It will be performative snark and nit-picking that fills the void of inconsequence - being out of office, they will not now be distracted by their habitual cultivation of a corrupted polity. Whiney grievance and resentment will be used to keep the moribund irrelevancies' names in the news. In this they will be assisted by the pamphleteers and S-benders from the Murdochracy and the obsequious limpdicks at the ABC who have happily gargled the rancid old scumbag's ball sack at every opportunity.
Whatever packaging the Libs choose to disguise their fuckery with will be ineffective - they have already forgotten why the electorate deployed the air freshener so liberally (unintended ironic pun) - bullying, the "women problem", climate denial, fear mongering and The Grift™.
Their party is defined by what they're against. You may recall the rabid Abbott who before becoming 2IC in the Credlin government was deified by Tories as the best ever Opposition leader due to his lust for power through relentless aggression. "People Skills" Abbott now haunts the fringes of domestic and even global paleoconservatism via retrogressive circle jerk "think tanks" touting anti-woke banalities and science denial; a constant reminder to the sentient voters of the northern beaches as to why they threw the prick out in the first place.
But Tories never learn. The signature negativity of the embaldened and belligerent Nasty Brutale was as marketable as a Jimmy Saville child care franchise. This was acknowledged by Suss who promised not to be obstructionist whilst simultaneously opposing changes to tax lurks for wealthy $3 million+ superannuants because “they’re doing it tough...they can’t pay their electricity bills”.
Culture wars complement their Randesque belief system being another divide & conquer tool with which to secure office from whence to realise their raison d'être - homogeneous clunges of privately schooled Barclay McGains nodding and winking to their friends-with-$benefits, being the shovelling of public monies into the voracious maw of their corporate cronies. An illustrative example of their weaponisation of bigotry for political gain is the embrace of a weird conviction that some of you chaps have been surrendering your Hairy Potter & the Bagmen to the surgeon's scalpel simply to gain an advantage in women's sports (thus forever forgoing the future satisfaction of the morning ball scratch). The obsessions of the genitalia police contributed to the abandonment of the Libs by the many voters for whom the reconfiguration of other peoples' pink bits is a non-issue.
Having promised to abstain from the performative outrage, and claiming to have learned lessons, the carping continues.
By inferring dubious motives for Albo's meeting with Xi they have shown that the next time they're in government the recently restored relationship with China will once again be sabotaged. But Australian Chinese voters don’t appreciate Australian politicians gratuitously attacking their ancestral homeland, and it's the hypocrisy gene of Tory DNA that stands out.
"William McMahon, after bagging Whitlam as having been played like a trout, later inquired whether he could accompany Richard Nixon to China." Whitlam and China, SMH February 16, 2013 on Gough's 1971 visit to China.
Figuratively flashing his frightener, Abbott, the abominable 'No' man, has lately been prominent with hairy-chested, narky effusions on Albo, Xi and malignant Chinese ambitions whereas during his own brief tenure he was far less bumptious. Some would say coquettish.
“China is a very good friend of Australia and it’s a friendship which is getting stronger all the time”.
Tony Abbott's gushing embrace of Xi and China, June 2015
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<br>The Libs' opportunistic attacks on China have been underscored by their Trump Appeasement Syndrome and oleaginous fawning in the general direction of a con man. A gelatinous excretion of narcissistic insecurity and shameless criminality the orange tainted one's accumulation of character failings leaves no room for any compensating virtues. Their stuccoed exemplar is a tacky vulgarian driven by grift and grievance. Trump shames the country that spawned him yet, regardless, the U.S. claims to lead the world in righteousness and democratic standards all while their SCOTUS and DoJ conspire on ways to protect a dissolute pervert who once said he'd like to "date" his own daughter.
The Tories leaned orange in the lead up to the election and it blew up in their faces as Umber One threatened Canada, Greenland and Panama with annexation, NATO with withdrawal during Russia's murderous aggression and Australia with punitive tariffs despite our trade deficit. And yet the Libs maintain the “shared values” synecdoche as a rationale for bending the knee to Trump and surrendering to unquestioning servitude as a vassal state - where US interests will always, always eclipse our own.
They sledge Albanese for not swearing fealty to the cult of a tangerine sexual predator as the US slides into fascism. Really?
A failing nation that has surrendered its critical faculties. A country, after 4 years of open grift and sleaze topped by an attempted coup, that then decided "yes please, more of that" is not a source of shared values.
Climate science denial and a Cro-Magnon take on the place of women were prominent causes of disillusion with the party that's purpose seems to be to provide solace to cookers, Christo-fascists, upskirters, pet abandoners, man-spreaders, roadside dumpers, dullards, onanists, pimps, boondogglers, wowsers, shout absconders, leg humpers and people who crowd airport luggage carousels.
At first they denied climate change, then they said the obvious reality of more frequent and more severe weather events wasn't due to human activities, they then dodged to claiming mitigation is too expensive, they weaved to the trite "the sun doesn't always shine, the wind doesn't always blow", they ducked to nuclear, they discovered a 'til now dormant concern for the well-being of whales. The only ecosystem that would thrive on planet RWFW is this infestation of fossil-fuelled morons who believe climate change is merely a manifestation of woke leftism like almond milk lattes and batik wall hangings .
Rhubarbic leg-over enthusiast and asphalt inspector Barking Barmy Joyce is championing the cause of killing off net zero and a habitable planet because...er...um... looks like he's moved on from saving the whales - his latest incoherent rant links net zero somehow to AI. Not sure of any reasoning here - half-way through I did a Barnaby face-first into my keyboard with blood coming out my ears.
Barking is supported in his crusade by such worthies as Micky Mac McCormack, a man who can be hypnotised by chooks, look-at-me Matt King Coal Canavan and crank-at-large Alex Antic.
"For Antic, Trump is more than a political idol. He’s a blueprint for how to dominate a party from the inside, humiliate opponents and control the narrative...“He’s the most cold-hearted, vindictive person I’ve encountered in politics,” says one South Australian Liberal." 'A very dangerous man’: How Alex Antic is shaping the Liberals. The Saturday Paper, 21-27 June 2025.
Women? The Tories treated them as an afterthought or, at best, an accoutrement. They insulted 51% of the voting public through condescension and neglect.
Who can forget the badly shaved yowie and self-appointed Minister For Women whose most notable contribution to feminism was pontificating on reducing electricity costs to help housewives* with the ironing? Or God's own emissary Smirko McFuckface who expected accolades on the basis that March 4 Justice protesters were not shot and who was perpetually puzzled by the notion that women were equal.
*An archaic term deployed in the pre-enlightenment years of John Howard
There are more women on Labor’s front bench than the entire Liberal party. Just six Liberal women are in the lower house. Ley as the first female leader of the boys' tree house club is in a holding pattern. Has she the shelf-life of a Liz Truss lettuce or several Scaramuccis? She's got longer than that but the boyz are already circling.
In opposition it seems that they'll spend much of their time opposing themselves. The meritocracy has thrown up/regurgitated a gaggle of male (surprise!) ̶a̶d̶v̶e̶r̶s̶a̶r̶i̶e̶s̶ options before Suss could even adjust the chair height in the LOTO's office.
Fidel D'Figueres Man Of The Year 2019 and purveyor of dehydrated water Fingers Taylor has numeracy skills at idiot savant level - provided you leave out the savant bit. He believes he has the numbers.
IPA plant (the hairy palm) James Patterson is the half-sucked gobstopper on the barbershop floor. No-one takes him seriously.
Andrew Hastie has God on his side ala Brother Scotty and is awaiting the word.
Autofellatist Tim Wilson is his own biggest admirer as is Dan Tehan, founding member of the exclusive Dan Tehan Fan Club. Both think they are leaders of men (sic).
Suss's deputy, Morrison Minor Ted O'Brien, has amongst other things, an unfortunate resemblance to that unlamented smirking jetsam from The Shire which, apart from his own bespoke lack of appeal, is a disqualifier.
Despite such jostling Suss started out well enough...appearing in front of the pack at the National Press Club:
"In a move later described as brave, she began her address with an acknowledgment to country. She expressed her faith in the work of public servants. None of these things should be remarkable, but in Liberal land 2025 they are."
Will she survive? I give her until next June.
Tony Abbott and News Corp wanted to hand our sovereignty to China — so spare us the warmongering. Bernard Keane, Crikey ($). "Tony Abbott, News Corp and the Coalition attack Anthony Albanese for visiting China. But they happily surrendered Australian sovereignty to Beijing a decade ago."
Thankyou Grumpy, I really enjoyed that read. I just love your turn of phrase, I have been laughing out loud the whole way through!
Savage. Accurate. Long overdue.
This reads like the autopsy report the Libs tried to bury under a pile of smirks and Sky News press releases. A party so self-obsessed, so allergic to introspection, that it genuinely can’t grasp why the public kicked it to the curb-and then salted the earth behind it.
They didn’t just lose an election; they lost credibility, relevance, and the last threads of trust. Climate denial, casual misogyny, Trump-thirst, race-baiting, culture war tantrums… it’s all here, laid out like a forensic crime scene. And still, they whinge on.
Now reduced to heckling from the cheap seats, they act like being ignored is persecution. They shout at clouds, pine for coal, and call it “policy.” The only…
Autofellatist Tim Wilson is his own biggest admirer! Bahahahaha-perfect description!
Most enjoyable reading Grumpy, it made my day, Matt King Cole Canavan being one of many beautifully accurate descriptions. Keep up the superb writing.
After the election loss in May the Toxics had nowhere else to go other than to elect Ley as leader. The “values” they brought to the polls were rejected in the most outright manner. She’s there to paper over the cracks in the depths of which the odious values still fester. Another 12 months? You are too generous Grumpy. Maybe you should organise a sweep.