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Danger UXB

June 18, 2019

The ticking bomb that is the L/NP

 

 

Now that we're safe from Labor's retiree and death tax grabs, their planned theft of our hard-earned franking credits, their promotion of gender-fluid lifestyles in our kindergartens, their confiscation of our utes and their freeing of hoards of Muzzy murderers and rapists to roam our streets we can relax and hit the complacency button. That was a close call. Now we'll have three more years of stability and better economic management with the adults still in charge ©.

©News Corpse

 

I don't like irony and sarcasm very much. But I do like it when you think someone is telling you a joke, and then you discover it's serious

Jens Lekman, Swedish musician, possibly picking up on the vibe from Menzies House.

Karma. It could be a thing. Nature seeks balance in all things so for the sake of my blood pressure I'm going to suspend my innate scepticism of things metaphysical and trust that this abhorrent aberration trading as the L/NP government is going to cop their comeuppance in the near future.

 

The idea of karmic retribution has its appeal as a sign that there is some natural, noble force that will intervene to restore decency, honesty and integrity.  It's not too far removed from Newton's third law after all.The L/NP's inherent nastiness will bring them undone  -  according to the theory of karma what happens to people happens because they caused it with their own actions.


The L/NP is a mob of bickering shonks and imbeciles who've spent the last six years setting fire to their own hair. The less loony among them saw the forced departure of their chief pyromaniac as a blessing - Tony Abbott, the self-immolating arsonist-in-residence, can now spend some time putting out fires in the bush instead of starting them on his head.  But although Abbott is gone his destructive legacy lives on in the internal hatreds and vendettas.

 

A forgetful and complacent electorate will be reminded of just how poisonous this cluster-fuck of Yorricks can be.

 

 

All aboard the blunder bus

 

The electorate, so damning of Labor's Rudd/Gillard/Rudd idiocy that they opted for a known imbecile as an alternative, was for some incomprehensible reason forgiving of the Abbott/Turnbull/Morrison fratricide. Perhaps the voters thought sticking with the latest guy would put it all in the past. Cue one mendacious megalomaniac - the head-polishing appetite suppressant Peter Spud-Dutton, wanna-be PM.

 

Potato blight

 

A tuberous Bond villain of cadaverous countenance who has pushed the Peter Principle well beyond its design limits Spud has, ala Abbott, a delusional belief that it's his destiny to be PM. The shank he'd prepared for Turnbull is ready at hand, waiting for Morrison to turn his back.

 

Spud-Dutton was contacted to confirm his timing but no response has been received to date.

 

 

Spud-Dutton's program to entrench his tuber-topian surveillance state, so dear to his cold, dead heart, will continue to be spoon-fed to the credulous and timorous on the presumption that the rest of us are too busy with property portfolios and frankng credits to care. Being unburdened with IQ, subtlty or nuance our potato-headed punisher's over-reach baldly (eh! eh!) repudiates the Lib's own foundational ideology of individual freedom. 

 

We can expect increasing blow-back when his sadism, such as denying a birthday cake to a 2 year old held in immigration detention, starts to turn more stomachs. Creeping totalitarianism has had a long fuse but it's gonna blow. Tormenting toddlers is too much for all but the most psychotic of Spud's fans.

 

 

 

 Cartoon used with the permission of Alan Moir. Subscribe to Moir here.

 

Black Angus

 

If the Libs ever manage to devise a scheme for privatising the sun, wind and waves we'll see a Road to Damascus conversion to renewable energy in the Tory ranks. Until such time they'll continue to monetise the environment via their coal gods.

 

Bloody-minded contrariness, bastardry, denialism, greed and chronic stupidity are the congregants' merit badges in the Lib's broad church of loons, mammon-worshippers, medieval dogmatists and "exit through the gift shop" Jesus-merchandisers. Nothing makes this plainer than Scooter Morison's appointment of Well Done Angus Taylor as Minisiter for Energy (the "Coal" in his title is silent).

 

Well Done Angus has the required vandal cred - diverting our water resources into the Cayman's cash- registers of opaque foreign profiteers while the rivers run dry, fish die in their millions and country towns wither. 

 

The climate is a ticking time-bomb with the world watching the count down. Angus has gone full-Abbott and is priming the detonators.  

 

 

Barmy Juice

 

The IED of Oz politics, a bloviating blatherskite  and objet d'ridicule, an Alfred E Neuman look-alike in a boutique Akubra whose peurile gibberings have become a mainstay of six years of political farce, the Beetrooter can be relied upon to drop a log or two into the L/NP's handbag.

 

 

Michaelia Carcrash

 

A helmet-haired harridan with a voice like fingernails down a blackboard Carcrash should be an incentive for the Lib's to re-introduce the scold's bridle as part of their dress code.

 

With all the charm of a rusted cheese grater and an aversion to accountability this duplicitous bog wallah's determination to undermine the rights of every-day workers will see her as a constant reminder of the feculence at the core of the Nasties.

 

 

The reserve benches

 

There are any number of other finger sniffers whose best work was left in cubicle 3. While not allowed the unsupervised use of scissors they have been given matches and they have petrol. Just two examples:

 

Susssan Ley's biggest contribution to politics was to add an extra consonant to her name upon advice from a numerologist. A professed environmentalist who plans on slashing "green tape", denies rampant land clearing is contributing to extinctions and wants environmental flows in our distressed rivers to be diverted to agriculture, and

 

Michelle Landry, a window licker from Capricornia who thinks coral bleaching is the lady who made the scones at her last fund raiser. Windows Landry will have some explaining to do when the promised jobs at the fully automated Adani mine don't materialise.

 

* * * * *

 

In addition to the personalities there are big issues fizzing away. Putting aside the tanking economy and a Treasurer on L plates, the hysteria to accompany the straw man of religious freedoms will be used to animate the bigots and homophobes. Demanding tolerance of their intolerance they seek revenge for their faiure to manipulate the marriage equality plebisite. Screeching from the front pages of newspapers, TV screens, pulpits and parliament that their freedom of speech has been taken away they will simply be megaphoning their spite and meanness to a mostly secular and fair-minded audience and they will re-ignite fires within their own party ranks.

 

Government by thought bubble has been in operation for six years. With no ideas and no vision, no foresight and no aspiration the crises will build, blindsiding a rag-tag assembly of colandar-hatted science deniers and nose pickers whose only recourse will be to blame Labor while fellating the Senate to allow for the shovelling of more largesse to their chums. The demands from the Ginger Whinger and her feral homunculus Malcolm Roberts should provide some comedic relief.

 

Anyone thinking we'll have three years of calm, considered and competent governance is in for a rude shock. What chance it will all blow up in their faces and we get an early opportunity to correct the mass madness of just last month?

 

 

 

Footnotes

UXB: Unexploded bomb

IED: Improvised Explosive Device.

Newton's third law: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction

This post also appears in the Australian Independent Media Network

 

 

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