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Spud PM?

July 31, 2019

 

The Liberals are the party that says government doesn't work and then get elected to prove it.* 

 

Half of the electorate voted 3 times to allow the goat rodeo trading as the L/NP & Co to validate the essential truth of that statement. It's very, very dispiriting, but there is a bright side. It's Spud!

That risible rhizome from Dickson, Peter Spud-Dutton,  jackbooter and trough snorkeller... Il Douche is a  Mussolini mini-me without the presentation skills, a potato-headed Adolf Kipfler with a funereal presence that would drive rats from a barn and with all of the warmth of a dead man's handshake. He's our worst nightmare - and our best hope. 

 

How could that be?

 

Behind those cold, dead eyes the hamster wheel that passes for thought processes in Spud's tuberous head powers only delusional ambition. He believes with every part of his withered, black soul that he should be PM.

 

Spud and his fellow veggie patchers were played by FauxMo and the filthy five in the assassination of Malcolm Trembles. That has simply served to harden their resolve while they re-hone the shiv and buff up their shanking skills.

 

Morrison tells us that his salary sacrificing to Jesus Inc. bought him high office and he no doubt takes some comfort from the notion that as long as he keeps up the payments the Big Guy has his back. But those Tory MPs outside his prayer circle and with a more discriminating control over their spending habits are not likely to accept that dubious premise. Morrison's shouty, bullying personna, his constant invoking of his celestial mate with his holier-than-thou smugness and his self-serving duplicity in the Turnbull overthrow have made him few friends while his enemies are many.

 

Outside the bubble it will dawn upon the credulous, the blindly selfish and the tremulous who cast their votes for this corruptocracy that they've been conned and the tide will turn. Spud will be constantly testing the waters as FauxMo's gloss rapidly fades and the autocratic paternalism, dodgy dealings, incompetence and chaos once again become too obvious to ignore.

 

The hard right's hatreds were not buried with Turnbull but Spud will never be handed the leadership - he needs a coup. He'll destabilize and encourage dissent to undermine Morrison's authority. He'll cultivate the RWFW losers like Andrews, Abetz and Kelly who've wandered off from the intensive care wing at the home for the perpetually confused and he'll raid the remainders bin at the sperm bank for support from the unmarketable jizzle such as Melissa Price who, with a snatch like an empty headlock and an arse like a postman's knapsack had her local peeping-tom ask her to close her curtains. 

 

The zookeepers bucket that is the Liberal Party includes Morrison-hating Abbotteers, Dutton's infamous dirty thirty bomb throwers including  windfarm cancer survivor and endangered grasslands poisoner Black Angus Taylor, rabid-right homophobe Concertina Ferrari-Wheels, the duplicitous dwarf Yorrick Hunt, dunking stool candidate Michaelia Carcrash and Andrew Hastie whose god is a more traditional smiting disciplinarian than is the heavenly mercantiler of Morrison's Horizon Church & Juice Bar. We also have James Paterson, a stylist for the Hitler Youth and the far-queue crony capitalists such as Tim Watercannons Wilson - egotistical chancers all, who'll abandon FauxMo whenever it serves their own interests.

 

The guzunder residue of religious hypocrites ala Stuart Robert will stand behind the Liar from the Shire, but not the treacherous Matthias Cormann and his diminished band of sycophants nor any other of the righwing whackjobs. The dogs are already barking and Dutton will be yanking their chains. 

 

The thought of Spud as PM is nauseating but his unhinged, delusional ambition will contribute to the demise of the most appalling government this country has ever experienced. Go Spud - give it another shot!

 

 

Cartoon used with the permission of Alan Moir. Subscribe to Moir here.

*Paraphrasing P.J.O'Rourke

 

Also posted on the AIMN.

 

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