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A huge cock

 

Mr Creosote goes to Canberra

Craig Kelly MP, member for Hughes

Growing up in the Sutherland Shire of the 60s and 70s was a stroke of good fortune. Forming Sydney's southern border "The Shire" was somewhat removed from the rest of The Big Smoke by Botany Bay and the Georges River on its northern boundary - a watery border that was crossed only by the 3 lane Tom Uglys road bridge and the upstream Como railway bridge. The only other options were the languid pace and limited space of the Lugarno ferry and Taren Point punt or an otherwise lengthy road trip via the west from Liverpool.

 

The ferries were replaced with bridges during the time but a sense of separateness remained. The Pacific to the east, Port Hacking River and the Royal National Park to the south and the unexploded munitions of the Army's extensive Holsworthy firing range to the west were physical and mental barriers to any notion that we were a part of the greater Sydney metropolis. And we liked it like that. We had the place to ourselves. Except for the summer weekends and holidays when hordes of "westies" descended on the Cronulla beaches, spilling out of the old red-rattler trains to offend the locals' sense of ownership.

 

The TV series Puberty Blues captured the mood of the place and the time perfectly while the ABC/BBC-made Sylvania Waters was a contrived "reality TV" take on cashed-up bogans designed to appeal to a British audience.

 

The Shire, surrounded by bush and water, has an oil refinery at one extremity and a huge waste disposal depot at the other. At its heart is a symbol of Australia's enthusiastic embrace of rampant consumerism , Miranda Fair, one of the county's first shopping malls and a precursor to the decline but not yet complete extinction of the corner shop.

 

The huge and spectacular sand dunes that were once a feature of the Kurnell peninsular have all disappeared into the maw of concrete batching plants to be converted into Sydney high rise and freeways. Gone with them is the scene of one of our most infamous, unsolved murder cases. Cheek by jowl McMansions now serve as grotesque place markers for the spot where the bodies of Marianne Schmidt and Christine Sharrock were discovered half-buried in the sand in 1965.

 

Despite all that The Shire was, and mostly still is a pleasantly leafy eucalypt and angophora-covered suburbia of affluent water-fronts and mostly neat bungalows spread along sandstone ridges, down boulder-terraced gullies and along the fingers of waterways with boatsheds and moorings evidence of comfortable lifestyles. Middle class Australia with middle class values and middle class aspirations.

 

Historically Liberal-voting, but not by big margins, The Shire straddles two Commonwealth electorates. In the east the electorate of Cook is represented by our accidental Prime Minister, the smarmy, self-satisfied, happy-clapping Scott Shouty Morrison. While Morrison is a distasteful, opportunistic hypocrite the neighbouring Hughes electorate is represented by a mouth-breathing oxygen thief of such gob-smacking incompetence and willful ignorance that the intelligence and judgement of the electors of Hughes must be called into question.

 

Craig "Hugh Jarse" Kelly is 120 kilograms of arse-crack surmounted by a red-faced, double-chinned puddin' filled with appalling, swivel-eyed lunacy. This bloated, bovine-brained furniture salesman has proven to be so egregious that even his local Party members loathe the prick. He represents everything that is wrong with the current coal-sponsored, climate change-denying coprolitic government.

 

Riven by dissent, driven by the ideologies of the truly bat-shit crazies of the autocratic far right, as personified by Kelly, this grim regime masquerading as a government is circling the plug hole yet grimly maintaining views that have proven to be anathema to middle Australia.

 

Climate Change and Fuckwits

 

How is it that a non-entity who sold lounge suites and book cases for a living thinks he is more knowledgeable of climate change than scientific specialists across disciplines and from institutions such as the BoM, CSIRO and those know-nothings from NASA who are only useful for exploring the universe? How is it possible for a living organism of even limited functionality to be so delusional? Does the Dunning-Keuger effect extend that far down into the deeply-disturbing-fuckwit scale?

 

Perhaps he's just being a cunt. Kelly is a sycophant of the reptilian Tony Abbott, the biggest cunt in Oz politics and a calculated climate-change denier. Abbott is prepared to burn his own Party, Parliament and the planet in pursuit of his own interests and Kelly is likely too moronic to understand the blow-back.

 

"The climate was always dangerous. We didn't make it dangerous, [and] it's fossil fuels that protect us from that climate." This is but one example of the cretin's pronouncements but outshone by his hero the evil Abbott:

 

We are damaging our economy in an attempt to save the planet in 100 years’ time, and I don’t think our children will thank us if we damage their future in order to make the world a bit colder for our grandchildren.”

 

 

Mass murder? Sometimes we should just look the other way

 

This gormless dullard believes we need not be concerned by Russia's shooting down of Malaysian Airlines flight MH17 murdering 298 victims, including 3 young siblings whose father was advised to move on by Fat Boy Slime:

 

“I’m sure that any father that’s lost three kids would be absolutely devastated but the reality is nothing is going to bring those three kids back...and if that means some of the things that Russia have gotten away with in the past have to be slightly looked over, well, I’m sorry, that’s the price that we have to pay sometimes to have good relations going forward."

 

 

Democracy - Kellybaijan style

 

Fat Borat from The Shire bloviates on democracy - on the dictatorship in Azerbaijan:  he “saw an election organisation that surpassed Australia’s experience in this field” and that “we,  together with my colleagues, will undoubtedly bring this useful experience home.”

 

 

Hypocrisy reaches new levels

 

Jelly Belly Kelly vociferously defended the right of Party members to nominate their local candidates, then executed a neat pirouette and threatened to cross the floor when his own local branch could no longer stomach (pun intended) the fat waste of space and looked to dump him.

 

The Liberals, being somewhat practiced in the dark arts, respected this blackmail and over-rode the local worthies of the Hughes branch.

 

The Libs are infested with ratbags, shonks, grifters and loons - Kelly is but a suitable example. Their gene pool is the local car park puddle if this is what they dredge up to represent the interests of the population.

 

The Hughes inhabitants of The Shire will shortly have an opportunity to demonstrate that they possess self-respect and decent values by voting this globular goblin back into the retailing of dining room tables. They better not make me ashamed to admit that I grew up there.

 

 

 

 

Craig Kelly: “outlandishly talentless”, the Coalition’s “dopiest MP” and a “prize idiot”.  Joe Aston in the Financial Review.

 

 

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September 29, 2019

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